I Want to Dance In the Mighty Palm of Your Hand

Paramore is a band I always find myself going back to. I love the combination of a female vocalist with incredible vocal range with a band that can cover all facets of rock with an unabashed attitude. Recently, I have gone back to a clip of them performing for BBC Radio Live, where they perform the song "Let the Flames Begin." At the end of the performance, the band continues to play the song as Hayley, the lead vocalist, sings a prayer:

Father, 

Oh Father,

Oh Father, 

Oh Father,

Father,

I am ready.

Won't You let it begin?

'Cuz I am here now,

I want to dance in the mighty palm of Your hand.

I had chills the first time I heard this, and I continue to find myself mesmerized by her screaming vocals as the instruments wail in the background.

Tonight, my community and I decided to pull over on the highway (don't worry, we were totally safe) on our drive home from Valentine (a town in Nebraska about 45 minutes out). We were so enthralled by the stars that we had to watch it from the roof of our van. As I tried to fight off the cool winds and calm my shivering body, I noticed how all the stars seemed to have little rays of light connecting them to each other, as if it was a web. Everything seemed interrelated. I then noticed how large the sky was, how many stars there were, and how insignificant I seemed to be in relation to the cosmos. The last line of the prayer above, "I want to dance in the mighty palm of Your hand" came to mind. I looked around to see the outline of the hills as they dipped and rose above the horizon, and I thought of the Earth as one giant palm, holding us all. The road reminded me of the crevices of a plam as the hills rolled above us.

For the past few weeks, I have been sitting uncomfortably with a sense of insignificance. Although I have gotten the hang of my job, I still worry that I am not bringing enough to the table, that I don't have enough to give to this work adequately. As I realized how small I was staring out at the sky, I felt a sense of acceptance about that insignificance. All of us, being so small in relation to the universe, are but mere grains of sand. However, that doesn't mean we don't have things to contribute. We all form the sands of beautiful beaches that take breaths away. I am realizing, very slowly, that, although I feel like I don't have many things to bring, I do. I bring a willingness to work until the job is done, a vulnerability to admit that I am terrified and clueless as this year progresses, and a desire to learn and grow. My community and I had a great discussion after our star-gazing efforts that I am eternally grateful for, and it really helped me to recognize some of the significance and importance of these qualities. 

I pray that as this year continues, I find more peace in realizing that I alone cannot make great changes, that I do not have all the answers, that I, in certain ways, am insignificant. This is not to downplay my talents or set myself up for failure, but merely to humble myself to where I admit that I am on the same playing field as everybody else and, more importantly, that I am here because of forces much greater than my own. 

Every day, I find myself praying, "God, drag me." I'm insignificant in God's grandeur, and yet He still carries me forward, He still drags me, He still offers His palm so that I may dance in it.