Failure Is A Part of the Mission

So, in our orientation two weeks ago, one thing our boss said was that failure is a part of any Mission experience. Failure happens, it is inevitable, and it even can be a moment of grace and growth if handled in the correct way.

Let me say this, I am experiencing it in many little ways thus far. This past week was our first full week of work, and it's insane to think about all that was accomplished in the course of 6-7 days; however, it is also hard for me to swallow the fact that I've already had many little moments of failure. Now, I'll preface by saying that all my mess ups have been, for the most part, small little learning moments that didn't destroy anything holistically sound or structured. However, in the moment, each mess up seemed insurmountable, and it finally hit me like a ton of bricks...I don't know how to fail gracefully.

I've been doing a lot of work at the radio this past week, and it has been such an educational and learning experience for me to work the board, get out into the field and talk to people, create commercials and liners, and simply fill dead air on the radio waves. I am so thankful for the patience and support of everyone at the radio who have helped us 3 volunteers get into the swing of things. I never thought that in one week I could feel confident enough to sit in the on-air room alone and keep things moving. With this confidence, though, I also bring many nerves. Many times throughout the week, there were ads that needed to be played that I missed, names that I mispronounced, songs I didn't realize needed to be included in spots throughout the shows, and so on and so forth. It is humbling to realize that I have very little experience in this field, and that I know close to nothing about it. The hardest part for me is to simply accept the moments I drop the ball and learn from them. I am a perfectionist, and, as a result, I hold onto my mess ups and let them eat away at me, creating a bigger internal issue than necessary.

I am still trying to find my niche at the Mission as well, so it's hard for me at times to stay positive when I build these failures up and convince myself I have nothing to contribute. I have been praying every night that WHEN (not IF) I fail next, that I can have a little more grace and class than the previous time. To this day, it's one of the most mature prayers I've ever made. I didn't expect to come into here perfect; I knew I would mess up, but that didn't make it any easier when the little failures came.

As I take a few days off and reflect on the first week, I simply want to learn how to let go and move forward with a new mindset and energy. I'm hoping and praying that as more failures come, so will my growth and knowledge and gratitude. So, in a way, I look forward to failure? (Okay, I'm not THAT insane. I'm secretly still hoping I'll be perfect by Wednesday). But, hey, I think I'm taking steps in the right direction.

So, if there's one thing I can definitely say out of experience: failure is one heck of a teacher. I just hope I become a better student.